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The headlines seem too horrific to be true: 20 1st graders and six adults murdered senselessly inside a school in Connecticut; survivors led away from the carnage being told to close their eyes so as to not witness their surroundings. No one should have to bear the scars of last week鈥檚 heinous events.

Loss鈥攁lbeit much less tragic鈥攊s inevitable, natural, and something we all face. While dealing with a loss is never easy, it can be peculiarly disorienting for children, who are developing emotionally and have fewer past experiences to turn to for context. Though we usually associate grief with the burdens of aging, too often loss directly affects children, from the loss of an immediate family member, to loss of grandparents, or divorce of their parents, or the more common events like the loss of a beloved pet. The effects of grief are pervasive, and may drag down other areas of children鈥檚 lives, including their academic performance.

Here are a few ways parents and teachers can help safeguard a child鈥檚 long-term well-being in the wake of a horrific act.

Identifying struggling children. It can be a challenge simply to identify children who are struggling with a loss. Teachers often lack knowledge about the home lives of students, and even parents may be unaware of a child鈥檚 private grieving. Nonetheless, there are a number of good indicators that a child may be enduring an emotional hardship. Signs to look for include a decline in academic performance and focus, changes in eating or sleep habits, and unusual aggressiveness or passivity. Adolescents may also be more likely to engage in risky behaviors.

Children exhibiting these symptoms may need special accommodations both inside and outside the classroom. Even in cases without a clear source of grief, children may be struggling with events in the news or in the life of a friend鈥攕cenarios that can be devastating and equally deserving of care and attention.

Schools need ongoing professional development. Most schools and school districts acknowledge the effect of students鈥� social and emotional well-being on their academic achievement, but educators can best support this stance by investing real resources in counseling and other services. In the case of a mass trauma such as the should be offered to the entire school community. This may include support groups for students, teachers, parents, and first responders. The professionals who are providing the counseling services will also need support themselves. Rest, eating well, and engaging in exercise or activities that are enjoyable are all important. Creating a support network among colleagues is an important component to the healing process. It is important to maintain as much a sense of routine as possible since routines have a calming presence on children and adults alike.

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Forum Discussion: Newtown School Shooting: Your Reactions

Educators, how (if at all) do you plan on addressing the Connecticut tragedy in your classroom? And what steps can be taken to keep students and school staff safe from such attacks?
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Efforts should be tailored by age groups. Children of different ages react to loss, and death in particular, in very different ways. Four- and 5-year-olds lack a vocabulary for expressing grief, as well as a conceptual framework for death. They fail to understand the finality of death, and euphemisms such as 鈥減assed on鈥� or 鈥減assed away鈥� make little sense to them. At 6 to 9 years, children begin to comprehend the finality of death. While showing outward expressions of grief is still challenging for them, they may have nightmares or give voice to their anxiety in other forms. Older children and adolescents may still need encouragement in expressing their feelings. They may also put up an outward show of coping while suffering hidden difficulties.

The developmental aspect of grief means that we should tailor our emotional support to particular age groups just as we share academic curricula to particular grades. What proves effective at one stage of life may not be what鈥檚 best for younger or older children.

In the wake of last week鈥檚 event, children will be anxious and worried. It will be important to listen to their fears and reflect their feelings.

Reassure them that they are loved and are safe. It is important to keep the perspective that this was an extremely rare event, and that the man who caused it is dead. Questions should be answered truthfully, but additional details regarding the incident should not be offered unless directly requested by the children.

Adults need to stay calm and try to create a culture in which every student is supported by caring adults. In summary, use age-appropriate honesty, listen carefully, and try to maintain a normal routine.

Encourage emotional expression. The primary aim of providing counseling for children experiencing grief is to help them acknowledge and express that grief. If we fail to do that, we risk cutting off their access to the whole realm of emotional experience, including joy.

It shouldn鈥檛 come as a surprise that some of the most powerful vehicles for emotional expression are creative ones. For grieving children, as for adults, creative undertakings of all types can be a source of solace. Through activities such as journaling, painting, and singing, children can more easily access feelings and memories, and communicate their anxieties and hopes for the future.

Furthermore, these activities need not be confined to a narrow spectrum of 鈥渁rtistry.鈥� Older children in our schools often create 鈥渓oss history graphs,鈥� timelines documenting both great and small losses throughout their lives. The act of reading can also be therapeutic, as children reflect on鈥攁nd empathize with鈥攖he struggles of literary heroes.

Life after a great loss is never the same. The looming question at the heart of the healing process is how to make something good of something awful. For many, the answer lies in helping others: Reaching out to others in need becomes an antidote to depression and despair. Indeed, past losses are a powerful motivator for many working in grief counseling. For children and adults alike, our empathy may be our greatest strength.